I’m back for another installment of Stream of Consciousness Sunday hosted by Fadra of all.things.fadra.I’m not going to be answering the prompt this week but here it is if you’d like to write about it and link up or go visit Fadra to see what she and others have written.
Today’s (Optional) Writing Prompt: Have you reached the prime of your life? What do you want to be your legacy?
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What a week…
On Monday I had an appointment with my rheumatologist. He believes that my RA and fibromyalgia are both flaring up due to increased stress. I definitely have had an increase in stress the past 4 months or so. There has been a lot of additional stress since before Thanksgiving. My doctor decided to discontinue one of my medications and to increase the dose of another one. He also told me that I had to reduce my stress. It would have been helpful if he would offer some tangible suggestions for how I could do that.
I went on an amazing field trip with my son’s class to Año Nuevo State Park to see the elephant seals. We had a great time, the views were breathtaking, the elephant seals were majestic. And of course, I overdid it.
My legs have been bothering me a lot lately – I’ve been having a lot of muscle spasms e.g. tightness in my calves, hamstrings and quads. My hips have been bothering me, particularly my right hip. I often wake up with pain on the outside of the hip joint and I feel very sore right at the hip joint. Thursday I saw my primary care provider and she said that the soreness at the hip joint is not in itself a joint issue but a muscular/soft tissue problem. I will start physical therapy on the 20th. She also recommended doing a stretching routine in the morning and at night as well as looking for beginning/gentle yoga classes to help my muscles loosen up and not lose conditioning.
The appointment with the podiatrist on Friday went as I expected. I’ve been feeling the plantar fasciitis acting up in both feet again. I know the symptoms and the sensation that I feel when it’s acting up. It started to feel the way it did in October 2010 when I was told that I was tearing the plantar fascia in the arch of the foot. Just like in 2010, I am back to wearing a boot cast. For the next 4-6 weeks I will be sporting a walking boot cast on my right foot this time. Luckily, I don’t have to wear it while I sleep and I will, of course, take it off for driving. I think I want to decorate it, the plain black is so boring.
This week has left me feeling a bit deflated. One step forward, three steps back. I know that it could be worse and trust me I’m deeply grateful that it’s not any worse than it is. I was reading a post by RA Guy yesterday and so much resonated with me. He wrote about the importance of being confident in the decisions we make, his focus was on his decisions about his treatment. Two points that he wrote about that really hit home for me were “Connecting with my non-RA self” and “Failed Hope”.
I was talking to my husband about this and how the appointments this week really affected me. After a week of doctor’s appointments and the setbacks that have been confirmed for me, I feel like anything I’m doing right or trying to do is overshadowed by the RA. I am not my conditions, I happen to have these conditions. It can be easy to lose hope about how my body is responding to life, my attempts at taking care of myself and the treatments I am using to manage it all.
Apparently this is further proof that I haven’t learned my lesson. This is obviously an opportunity for me to sit back, reassess my boundaries and stick to them. I can’t expect for things to continue as they have been and expect different results. Isn’t that the true definition of insanity? Do things the way you always have and expect different results.
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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s a five minute brain dump. This week I wrote until it felt like this thought was complete. Link up at all.things.fadra
